A friend was looking at my son’s baby book and laughed because I took a picture of the positive pregnancy test and put in the book. She said “I can’t believe you put that in there!” I said “Why not? I did not save the one I peed on, just a picture of it.” I am so grateful I took that picture, it was the first message I ever received from my little guy. That picture reminded me of all of the wonderful emotions that I experienced when I found out I was pregnant with my 2nd and most likely last baby. It occurred to me that not everyone looks at pregnancy tests as a wonderful notice that a new life has been created and that they have a joyful life changing event happening in their life.

The pregnancy test has such strong emotions either way for women that it is a very powerful image. I think about the commercials on tv, advertising pregnancy tests are generally shown in the positive light. They are usually being marketed to women who want to get pregnant, not the women who would dread a pregnancy at that point of their life that are only looking for a concrete sign relieving them from the chance that they might be pregnant.

When I look at the photo of my positive pregnancy test I remember thinking that I felt different. I was falling asleep when I was reading my daughter her book at night, I was starving at lunchtime and I felt a little bit crampy, I felt like I was pregnant again. I waited until I missed my period by 1 day, drove to the store and bought a two pack, took a pregnancy test right before bedtime, washed my face while I waited for the results, and looked down to see the digital display clearly saying the word Pregnant. I was surprised, and thrilled!

I had been on the birth control pill up until I decided I wanted to have a baby and never purchased a pregnancy test to rule out pregnancy. I think if you had to take a pregnancy test if you were afraid that you might be pregnant, then seeing a photo of one would have a very different feeling. You might look at the photo of this pregnancy test as dirty and something you want to avoid. I could not imagine having to go the store after missing your period, buying a pregnancy test, going home, peeing on the stick, waiting for the test results, the agonizing wait to determine your destiny. When you finally see the negative pregnancy result you have a huge sense of relief. You would then and quickly eliminate the horrible pregnancy test from your view in order to get over that scarred feeling.

I will continue to see pregnancy tests as a wonderful exciting messenger that can deliver great news. I hope that good women who dread looking at pregnancy tests because of a horrible scare in their lives will one day be able to have a wonderful experience with a pregnancy test when it tells them the news that they are thrilled to read.

I recently had an experience that made me question how parents are raising their sons. We were at a party when a boy repeatedly bullied her, no matter how many times I tried to interfere. My daughter is not used to people being mean to her, she is used to playing well and sharing with others because that is what I expect of her. I want my daughter to play with nice kids, I want her to know that all boys are not mean, and I don’t want my son to learn this type of negative behavior.

Is it just that these boys are “All Boy”? I don’t think so at all. I think that parents allow for more slack in their parenting with boys and don’t correct their children’s behaviors with the excuse that they are just boys being boys. I guarantee right now that I will expect the same level of appropriate and kind behavior out of my son as I do out of my daughter. I will not let him be mean.

I think many parents are confusing mean bullying style children with being tough. They don’t want their boys to be looked at as sissy’s so they instead turn their heads to ignore mean behavior so their son learns how to be tough. No that is not a tough kid, that is a mean kid. Tough kids, have not been coddled and their parents have taught them when they are not really injured how to toughen up and not to melt down over a scratch. A tough kid is the kid that can fall down have two skinned knees, skinned elbows and scratched forehead, spit on their injuries to get them clean and go continue to play.

The good thing that came out of my daughter being bullied was that I had a teaching conversation with her to help her to deal with this type of behavior. By the time we were ready to leave she was telling him when he was being mean, “Please don’t be mean to me, that hurts my feelings!” I got to explain to her that if this happens at a school it is never OK for people to hit you and that you should tell an adult so they can correct their behavior. My daughter is going to preschool in a month and hopefully this experience will help her deal with mean children.

You know what else drives me nuts when parents say something but don’t follow through with what they are telling their child. Here is an example, “No, no, Frankie, don’t tease. Don’t steal toys. You need to share.” These parents are just saying these things and doing absolutely nothing to correct the behavior. These parents need to walk up to their kids, look them in the eyes, make sure they are listening give the message and give them a consequence for their actions. If my kids take a toy from another kid, I tell them, “Don’t steal toys, it is not nice.” I make them give it back. If my kids tease they will get a time out, no question. I am still trying to figure out if these parents without follow through are spineless parents or lazy parents? I would rather sit down, socialize with my friends and yell from a distance to pretend like I am correcting their behavior, but really it does no good to just pretend. I will stop my conversation, and risk not being able to relax, in order to teach my children the correct and kind way to behave.

Sometimes people want their children to be popular and allow them to be mean to others, allow them to exclude others, allow them to snub others and generally not be kind. If this is what popular kids do I would rather my children be geeks and have a few, quality friends that care about each other.

I want my children to be kind, and I do not sit aside and just hope that they will figure out how to be kind on their own, I will constantly correct their behavior and teach them how to be good, kind, thoughtful people. I also raise my kids to be physically tough and not sissy’s but that does not mean they can be mean. I will never stand aside and allow my child to bully another child. I want my children to play with nice kind children, I want them to understand that a quality friendship is made with people who care about you and are kind. If children are bullies and are mean are becoming what is considered appropriate behavior, I will do whatever I can to protect my children even if that means private or home schooling.

A woman gave birth in a New Jersey Hospital in April of 2006, she refused a doctor suggested c-section and while in labor was given multiple psychiatric evaluations. She gave birth to a healthy baby by vaginal delivery with no complications.  Even though she gave birth to a healthy baby she was told her baby would not be able to come home with her and was turned over to Social Services, she was non compliant with social services and the court system and custody of her child was given to the foster family. She was ruled as abusive and neglectful for refusing the c-section even before her child was born.  The reason this is in the news is because the custody ruling was upheld last week in court.

This ruling blows my mind!  There are so many things that run through my head!

This ruling gives the unborn baby more rights than the mom, this must be a huge blow for abortion advocates around the country.  They ruled that she was abusing and neglecting her child by refusing to allow medical intervention and she lost even though she delivered without incident and the baby was healthy with no ill effects from delivering.

A woman who works with my sister in law here in Minnesota, refused a c-section when her baby was in distress because she did not want a scar.  She made the wrong decision, and her baby died during her vaginal delivery.  This happened about 4 months ago and she did not have any charges pressed against her for her decision to risk the health of her baby.  This was considered her choice.  In my opinion it was a horribly selfish choice and she will have to live the rest of her life knowing that her selfish choice to avoid a scar killed her full term baby.

This ruling gives the doctor who makes the call to make the call for the c-section more rights than the woman who refuses the surgery. Now doctors can say that you may be held legally responsible and loose your child if you neglect to listen to my decision to have a c-section as I am recommending right now.

When you have a c-section the doctor, anesthesiologist and nurses have to explain the risks and you have to sign multiple forms approving the doctors decision to have a c section.  It is your choice and you have to approve this choice.

This ruling is going to take away so many women’s rights and give so many more rights to doctors and social workers that it scares me.

Online References:

Yahoo.com Article, Examiner.com Article

I was a vegetarian for 10 years and I never had the desire to eat meat until I smelt my mother in laws homemade chicken noodle soup simmering on the stove. I am now a huge fan of chicken noodle soup, it is the meal I make and bring to my friends who have babies, it is the meal I make for gatherings at my house in the winter. It is the perfect comfort food. I tried about 10 different recipes and took what I liked from each to make this recipe. This is what I consider the Perfect Chicken Noodle Soup.

2- lbs boneless, skinless, chicken thighs or a 4 lb whole chicken

2 – Lg containers (32 oz) Chicken broth

1- Head of Celery and leaves diced and divided in half

1- Large yellow onion diced and divided in half

1- pound of carrots sliced – divided in half

6- Chicken Bouillon cubes

1- tsp dry parsley flakes

1- tsp garlic (I use the roasted type garlic in the jar)

1- tblsp poltry seasoning

1- tsp thyme

2- tblsp kosher cooking salt- (or salt)

1- tblsp pepper-fresh ground

Juice from 1/4 of a lemon

Home made noodles (recipe below)  or if you must, 9 oz store bought bagged, nested wide Egg Noodles

Boil the chicken thighs or whole chicken in a large stockpot in the 2 containers of broth add 1/2 of the carrots, 1/2 of the onion, 1/2 of the celery and leaves and the tsp of garlic.  Boil for 1 hour or until the meat is easily shredded. I pull the thighs out and shred them on a plate and dump them back in.  Add bouillon cubes, 4 cups of water, and the rest of the ingredients and seasonings to the stockpot bring to a low rolling boil and add homemade noodles, boil 30 more minutes or until noodles are tender and serve!   Even my kids love this recipe and will eat all of the veggies and chicken.

Homemade Egg Noodles-

1 cup flour

1 egg

1 eggshell full of milk

1/2 teaspoon salt

On a clean, flat surface, place 1 cup of flour, create a hole in the center of the flour pile, add the salt, and crack the egg inside the hole. Then fill up one half of the egg shell with milk two times and place the milk in the hole of the flour as well.  Gently fold the ingredients together by hand until it is a soft doughlike mixture. If you need more liquid, slowly add 1/2 eggshell of milk at a time until it is a sticky ball. Sprinkle a little flour on the flat surface and Roll out the dough with a rolling pin until it is as flat as you can make it, it needs to be thinner than a pie crust. Once it is as thin as you can make it, (once you boil it, it will plump up) cut skinny strips of noodle about 1/3 inch wide with a pizza cutter. 
 

Add homemade noodles one or a few at a time to the chicken soup at a low rolling boil so they don’t stick together.  Boil in the soup until they are tender, or about 30 minutes.

I was reflecting on when my daughter was a newborn and how I did not feel specifically attached to her but did not want to admit it to anyone.    I thought it was due to my lack of sleep or the fact that she cried so much.  I nursed my baby and I never had that feeling of utter happiness that you are supposed to have once you have nursing mastered and look down at your happy baby.   I remember I wanted to try formula right away,  because I felt like I needed to be myself again and I thought that it might make her cry less.  It was summer and I felt stuck in the house, it was nice outside and I couldn’t even figure out how to get to the grocery store,  let alone how to pack up a baby and go anywhere while nursing.
I remember very clearly that  I would sit and rock her while nursing her and I would think to myself that she was my sisters baby.  I would think things to myself like when your mom comes over tomorrow, referring to my sister, or I would say, I need to call your mom, before I picked up the phone to call my sister.   I don’t know if this was because she had a baby 6 months before me, so I was used to seeing her as the mom, or if I really did not think that this baby that I was so excited to have, felt like mine.

It could also have been the fact that I had a c-section and I was stuck at home for 6 weeks without driving myself anywhere, during the most beautiful, summertime weather.  I could not swim, I could not go for walks, I could not exercise.  I could not figure out who I was.  I did not have that new mom glow that I thought I would have.  I wanted to have a natural birth, I wanted to be able to push my baby around in my new stroller and feel good, I wanted to be able to enjoy my summer and be able to bring my baby with me everywhere like I envisioned.   When I was with her I could not figure out how to take a shower or type an e-mail without having her in the other arm.  It was a total shock to my system and did not help with my bonding.

I don’t think I was as good of a new mom as I could have been if I would have felt more comfortable around her.  She cried alot and I did not feel like I could comfort her effectively. The fog that I felt, lasted about 8 weeks.  Eight weeks was when I rushed back to work to help myself feel more like me.  I remember being asked by my gynecologist at the 6 week appointment if I have been sad and I answered that I did not feel sad.  She did not ask if I felt like I was bonding with my baby or if I felt happy being a mom which I think would have been more applicable questions in my situation.  I wonder would I have answered honestly?  I don’t know, I really liked my OB but I did not want anyone to think I was a bad mom or did not love my baby because what kind of person does not love their beautiful baby girl?

If  there are new moms who feel this type of fog or lack of attachment, or feel like they need to regain their life back right away,  there might have attachment issues.  It might be a case of the baby blues or postpartum depression.   Please speak honestly with your OB/GYN to see if they think this is something that you might need help getting through.

Today I adore my daughter and I can say that I know I did not know what I was really signing up for when I wanted to get pregnant.  I was happy to have my son and never felt that fog that I had with my daughter was a newborn, I also felt the sense of love that I think you should feel right away for my son and I knew he was mine.   It took me about 12 weeks before I felt that sense of love with my daughter.  I am grateful that I was able to get over it but it sure might have made both of our lives easier if I would have figured it out earlier.