On Sept. 13th, I went to the hospital because I was not able to see right out of my eyes, it looked like crystals had formed directly in front of my eyes that I could not rub away, and I started to get a headache.  Well I just would have drank some water and went to bed if I was not driving home from my in-laws house with my kids in the car.  I stopped the car right before I entered the highway, rubbed my eyes, took deep breaths, took the kids out of the car to go for a walk to see if it would clear up but no luck.   I called my in-laws who drove out to pick up me and the kids up and drive my car back to their house.  I wanted to drink some water and lay down and see if I could see right again. After laying down for a while it was not helping and I my husband was worried since I had never had visual changes or a migraine in my life that I might be having a stroke, aneurysm or blood clot.  My mother in law drove me an my kids home (45 minute drive) and she dropped me off at the ER where my husband met me.   They admitted me to the emergency room, gave me an ice pack, checked my vitals checked my vision, and then wheeled me into the CT Scan.   The CT scan came back clear so they gave me an IV and administered Benadryl and a smooth muscle relaxer medications which immediately stopped my headache and made my head so heavy I could hardly hold it up.    After a few glasses of water and one more vitals check they removed my IV, and gave me my release paperwork.  The Emergency room doctor referred me to have an MRI scan because this was my first migraine to rule out M.S. or inner ear problems.

That day I went home and relaxed and took it easy since that is pretty much how the medication made me feel.   A few days went by and no more headaches or visual changes, we drove out to pick up my car 3 days later and my father in law asked me when I have my MRI scheduled.  Well I had no intention of having an MRI, I was fine!   Why waste any more money or MRI resources from people who may actually need them?  Now my husband and In-Laws were all explaining to me that I had to have an MRI and just to schedule it.   I ho-hummed and gave in but knew that there was no way I could stick my body inside of a small tube, just watching them done on TV makes me nervous.    The next day I called around and found out where I could get an open sided MRI because I thought that I could handle that, the appointment lady tried to convince me that I could handle the regular MRI with sedation and I assured her I did not want to be sedated at all costs.  So they finally schedule me for the open sided machine.  I mentioned to my mom that I was getting an MRI and she warned me that they were really loud so I should make sure I get hearing protection.     I then put it out of my mind until I received the reminder phone call yesterday afternoon.   I found the location on Google maps and went to bed early because I had to be across town at 7:45AM.

I woke up at 6:00AM showered, made coffee, got ready and made sure I did not have any metal on. My husband stayed home with my kids so I drove off into the unknown.   I made it there with not a minute to spare due to rush hour traffic, walked in filled out the 5 pages of medical history and permission forms. As soon as I handed in my forms my radiologist who I spoke with yesterday afternoon called my name.  I stopped at the potty, deposited my purse in the locker and walked back into the big room with the giant open sided MRI.  I did not even look at pictures of what it looked like online and it way more closed in than I thought something called open sided could be.   The radiologist was very calming, he had a great mellow, almost hypnotising voice.   He told me I was fine with what I was wearing and after I asked, assured me my under wire was fine in my bra and that I could keep my sandals on.   He walked me thru the process that it would take 30 minutes for the first series of scans on my brain, that he would pull me out, put in the contrast dye in my vein and then 11 more minutes of scans on just my inner ears.   He had me sit down, put in my ear plugs, put my knees up on a cushion for comfort and to keep me flat on my back, he put a mask over my face that snapped into clips to hold my head in place and help with the pictures since it was a head scan.  He put two cushions over my ears to help keep my head still and to help with the noise and handed me a panic button and assured me he would stop the machine and run in if I needed help, I held onto that button with a death grip. Now it was time to put me in the unit.    As the machine started to move my head further inside the big machine it became harder for me to catch my breath.  I looked with my eyes only( because my head was immobilized) to my left to see light, and then to the right, then down at my legs.    I started to panic.  I started taking deep breaths, more breaths, closed my eyes and told myself to be thankful my hands were free and envisioned myself drinking a cold beer on a warm, sunny beach.  I told the radiologist I needed to take my shoes off and he helped pull off my sandals quickly, after that I was able to calm myself down and relax.  The radiologist asked me multiple times if I was alright, I assured him that I was ok now and he calmly reminded me that I could push the button anytime and that he would keep talking to me to tell me what was happening during the scan.    Now that I was calm the scan started.

My mom said it was loud, the radiologist said it was loud, it was not just loud it was a jackhammer loud!  It was so loud you could feel it, It was like being inside a car when the stereo is on so loud your ears ring loud!     I managed to keep calm during the noise, it kind of distracted me.  I kept my eyes closed and thought about my kids.   I loved that the radiologist told me how long each scan would take and how much time left in his soothing voice.    Now it was time for the 2nd part of the scan.  He slowly moved me out of the machine to put in the IV with the dye. Did I mention I hate IV’s? I cant stand having something stuck in me that I can’t take out!  He assured me he would only keep the IV in until the dye was injected then remove it.   He did not take off the mask and asked me to stay in position that it would take a minute to put in the IV and he would put me right back in.   He quickly found the vein, tried to push in the dye in and it would not go in.  He now called in the IV guru, who found an alternate vein in my hand and pushed in the dye in 60 seconds.   I thought I was calm now it was time to go back in and I knew what it felt like the first time.   Now as I was moved into the machine I lost control.  I tensed up and started having trouble breathing, my vision started having a dark fog over it, I was having an anxiety attack.   I was trying to take deep breaths but they were too fast.   Now the radiologist put his hands on my arm and his touch helped ground me,  his calm voice encouraged me to calm down and relax.  I felt my shoulders unclench, I started being able to breathe again.  I quickly snapped out of it and was able to calm down, it felt like an eternity but it couldn’t have been more than 3 minutes.  He handed me the call button, told me only 11 minutes left,  and calmly hurried to get it done.  I was just fine until it was over.  I was thrilled to have the mask removed!   I was totally ready to jump off the bed, he had to remind me he had to lower the bed before I could get down.  He  told me my results should be ready by Friday and complimented me on being able to regain control, he said that very few people he has worked with could pull it back together.  I walked out happy that I did it without sedation and hoped that I don’t have to do that again for a long, long time!

My daughter starts her first day of preschool tomorrow.  I will be dropping her off at the school she will be attending for elementary school, in hopes that it will be a good transition into her being comfortable with her school and surroundings before going  kindergarten. She will go to school two days per week for two and a half hours each day.

My daughter has had horrible separation anxiety, just last year that separation anxiety led me to have to quit my job. Now I am truly hoping that she has no problem leaving me tomorrow.   She will have two friends in her preschool class to hopefully help her feel comfortable with staying.    I am afraid it will not be a seamless transition when I leave her there on her own.   I am OK with her growing up, I am just afraid that the same horrible separation anxiety and throwing up episodes that we worked so hard and finally got past last year, might sneak back into her mind again.  I will be positive and have faith she will be fine with her new big kid place, preschool!

I forgot to publish this last night and here is the update- She did great!  She was excited to go in, she smiled in her pictures, she sat down and played with the other kids, she said to me “Bye Mom”!   I have to admit that I worried the whole time I was gone that I was going to get a phone call to have to pick her up, but the phone never rang!

She was happy when I picked her up!  She told me that she played with play-dough, then they had carpet time, read a book, sang a song, did a project, washed their hands, had a snack of mini teddy bears, went outside to the playground and then I picked her up!   Ahhhh!  It is so nice to pick up a happy kid!

Will the risks of the H1N1 Flu Vaccine outweigh the benefits?   In the 1976 Swine Flu outbreak the CDC quickly created a flu vaccine to control the Swine Flu outbreak and rushing the process had dramatic neurological effects like the Gullain Barre Syndrome on children.   Will this new vaccine protect the population since today’s vaccine was created based upon the current strain, not the possible mutated version the medical community believes will spread this winter?

I am actually grateful my children were part of the first wave of H1N1 cases that swept across the country back in June. I will not be getting the H1N1 vaccine for my family because the vaccine is being created to fight the strain that we have already contracted.

Do the research before getting the H1N1 vaccine for your children! Keep in mind that the reason you put your signature next to each vaccine your child receives is you are saying you understand the risks and side effects each vaccine poses to your children.  Don’t let your pediatrician or Doctor pressure you into agreeing to a vaccine you are not sure of! The ultimate responsibility lies on your shoulders if something horrible happens to your children.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4SmFxyust0&feature=player_embedded

http://www.snopes.com/medical/disease/swineflu.asp

I sit here and watch my son play with his Elmo drill I remember how loud children’s toys can be. Children’s toys have increased in noise level dramatically in the last ten years, and with the close proximity that babies and toddlers play with their toys to their heads, they can actually cause irreparable hearing damage such as Tinnitus or actual hearing loss.

As a child after being somewhere loud like fireworks or a concert, I remember laying in bed hearing my ears ring all night long, and I am grateful every time the ringing stops. Due to the loud level of toys some young children have damaged their ears so bad that the ringing never stops, which is called tinnitus. My mother has this condition and it is actually debilitating to her on some days she can’t focus or relax because the ringing is so loud, so I am very aware and cautious with noise levels around my children. I carry ear plugs with me in my diaper bag in case the noise levels are too high like at an indoor activity with lots of screaming kids or a children’s concert.

I had a friend who saved her original Tickle Me Elmo doll from when her 14 year old daughter was a toddler and she gave it to me. I was playing with both the Tickle me Elmo TMX and the original doll with my children on the floor and the new one is so loud that it actually drones out the normal volume of the original Elmo doll. When the TMX is not playing you can hear the original Tickle Me Elmo just fine and a child can actually hug it and put it next to his face without risking hearing damage. Why are toy manufacturers making everything so loud? Some toys when produced have higher decibel levels than a rock concert. Is the insanely loud noise level to attract attention for children to pick the loudest toy off the shelf? Maybe but it is unnecessary. Elmo’s high pitched voice at too high of volume can actually do more damage than a jet engine to a child’s ears, then you give it to them to play while they sit on the floor and lean over it like toddlers play.

Since I am so aware of these high noise levels every single new toy my children receive gets the noise treatment. If you walk around my house, every toy that makes noise has tape permanently pasted over the speaker to lower the damaging levels of noise. If the tape does not control the noise level down to a safe level I will open the toys and disconnect or permanently quiet the sound box. Just looking around in the living room, each of the books with buttons has tape over it, the ride on car, the activity tables, the Tag reader, the Barbie Cinderella Walking Horse and of course the Elmo talking Drill.

Not only do we have to worry about the lead paint used in creating the colors on the toy, make sure it is not leak hormones that can feminize our boys and develop reproductive health problems in our girls like in vinyl toys, make sure it does not have any small parts that our children can choke on, we also need to make sure that they are at an appropriate noise level to protect our children’s ears. Hearing damage is not only something grandparents need to worry about anymore!

http://www.asha.org/public/hearing/disorders/noise.htm
http://www.dancewithshadows.com/society/noisy-toys.asp
http://www.ata.org/about-tinnitus/how-loud-too-loud#loss

I have had a few people ask me why I did not change my last name when I got married. I ask them back why did you agree to change your name?

Before I got married I had a career, I was an established Human Resources Manager and I had recruiters calling me. I was known as Jessy Clifton, not Jessica Clifton, and certainly not by my boyfriends last name. I liked my name, I was never teased as a child because of my name, I have never ran into another person with the same name and I was not in a hurry to get rid of it because I disliked my last name. I don’t agree that women have to change their legal identity while men don’t have to change their identity when they get married.

I did not want to have to change every bit of identifying information when I got married, credit cards, ID, Social Security, Bank Accounts, E-mail addresses, Business Cards, ugh the list is endless at how many things are personalized with your full name.

I do not agree with the fact that historically slaves took on their owners last names and became a piece of their owners property. I see changing last names as an archaic tradition where women are now owned by their husband’s family. Should you take your husbands family name because you now are owned by them? Lets look at historical marriage ceremonies where the woman’s family gives 4 cows and 1 sheep to the husbands family to take care of her because women were not worth much more than animals. I chose my husband and my family did not give my husbands family any cows to get rid of me. I believe we need to question this tradition! It is archaic and unnecessary. I am still legally married but with my own name. When the priest announced us he said I would introduce the new husband and wife. I did not want to be introduced as Mr. and Mrs. John Johnson! Are you kidding me, not only does a woman loose her last name now she looses her first name and is just Mrs. John Johnson? Ick! How demeaning!

Basically there were more reasons why I refused to have my name changed than why I would ever consider changing it to keep my husbands family happy. Before we were married my husband and I talked about the complications that might happen with separate last names, we have no problem having both of our names on bank accounts, house, insurance, cars. I agreed to allow our children to have his last name.

Now here is where we have had problems. One time my husband was in the emergency room and I had to give them my name and ID to be allowed back to see him. The nurse gave me a hard time because I had a separate last name, she actually told me that I needed to have my marriage license to prove I was married. I told her I would have her job if she did not allow me to see my husband. Jon had tickets held at a will call and he was parking the car and told me to go in and get the tickets. The woman at will-call would not give me the tickets because I did not have the same last name. I said would you give the tickets to his sister? Not that it helped but hopefully I made her think about her process and I will make sure that he gets tickets in his name not me. Now that we have children, I have had a few moms question why my children have separate last names and if I am married to their father. I also tend to write on paperwork that I am their mother next to my name and next to my husbands name I write that we are married with different last names. I don’t ever want my children to be discriminated against because it appears their parents are not married by last names. I will make sure that does not happen.

Why do I bring this up? I am surprised at how few women even consider keeping their last name and happily give up their entire identity in order to get married. I think hyphenated names are very 1992, but still give those women some credit for being forward thinking. I want women to think twice about why they are changing their last names just to get married when you will legally are still married with your own name.