We have two cars a little Volvo Station Wagon and a Chevy Truck, both white, both 2005’s. We bought them both the same week in July of 2005 and traded in our old cars. My husband traded in the old Durango, I traded in my dream car, the car I searched for for 3 years my 2000 Celica GT Convertible that I only drove in the summers, I did not want to get rid of my car but an infant car seat did not fit in that car without the passenger seat all the way leaned forward. I also realized that it would be a long time before I could drive down the road with the top down since I would have a baby in my car. I did not want to be that person driving with wind pelting their toddler who is strapped in a carseat. I have seen those people and feel bad for the kids, hoping that they are not getting pelted with rocks from passing vehicles. Converts are great for adults, not so functional with kids. Then I got my Volvo. It was rated the top compact car in 2005 for safety, so ready or not that is what I got.

Well 4 1/2 years goes by now those new cars that we just got done paying for, are not so new anymore. My Volvo has 37,000 miles on it. The Chevy truck has 55,000 miles, they both need new tires, they both need brakes, and stuff just seems to start going wrong at the point that a car is paid off.

Today, I was driving down the highway in 8 degree weather on my way to bring the kids to the Mall of America for the afternoon when the heater that was set at 90 degrees and on full blast, cuts out completely. I look down at the gauges, no warning lights, no temperature problems, I look and the lights are still on the heater, when just as sudden as the heater stopped it started back up again. It cut out for another second then came back on full force. I said out loud to myself, “Oh that was weird.” I kept driving, I had to make one stop at Goodwill to drop off some baby gear that I wont need any longer, pulled into the donation bay, shut off the truck, took the keys out of the ignition, opened the door and noticed that the heater was still running and blowing. I said out loud, “Oh that is not good!

I started the truck, pulled out of the bay and stopped in a parking lot, turned the car on and off, tried to manually shut off the heater by the controls but it was stuck on. I started driving towards the highway, called my husband to warn him about the problem, and tried to create a plan. I ended up calling the car repair garage my brother works at across town and they were able to fit the truck in. I drove down there with my kids in the car, and my brother agreed to switch cars with me, he pulled out his babies car seat base, and I pulled out my two car seats and latched them in to his truck.

At this point I don’t know if the car will be able to be repaired tonight, I hope so, otherwise I will be picking up my brother from work. All of this would be easier if I did not have kids with me, naptimes and lunchtimes to work around. Cars are nothing but trouble.

In my younger days I was carefree and laid back. I only had to answer to myself and chose to live my life to the fullest. We traveled regularly and I took any opportunity to go on vacation. After I turned 18 but before I had my daughter, I took 8 trips to Mexico, 7 trips to Florida, 5 trips to Vegas, 5 trips to Arizona, and I tanned on all of them. When you live in Minnesota and you don’t get to feel the warmth of the sun on your face for months, you get pretty excited to feel Mr. Golden Sun. Feel the sun I definitely did! I always wore sunscreen, yep a whole whopping SPF4. I felt pretty good about myself since some of my vacation buddies wore no sunscreen or just plain tanning oil.

Tanning on vacation was not the extent of it, you had to prep to go on vacation which meant tanning sessions, I convinced myself I was using the high power beds with lower UVB Rays and I was protecting myself from getting burnt on vacation and helping me to fit in with the locals. Honestly, most of the locals were not as tan as I was when I arrived, but there were the few tan ones. Tan ones like the woman I met in Arizona that had spent a full two weeks in the sunshine and laying in the pool from sun up to sundown working on her tan. She was white woman who ended up the color of milk chocolate, yes I envied her at the time, thankfully I never was able to match that tan.

I wish it was as simple as only tanning on those trips and in preparation for those trips. I also fully enjoyed every possible minute outdoors in the Minnesota sunshine. Believe it or not, but Minnesotans can get a mean tan in the summertime. Maybe it has to do with sitting by the dark water of our land of 10,000 lakes that helps bring on the tan, or sitting out on our lovely lush green lawns, but whatever it is, I learned very well that my skin can brown with the best of them!

I gave myself every excuse in the book as to why I could continue to tan. Some of my excuses were, I have extra melanin that makes me tan due to my dark complexion and have never had a serious sunburn so I wont get skin cancer. We have so little sun year round that we need to stock up on Vitamin D in the summertime so I can’t apply too much sunscreen. We only have 4 good tanning months so in comparison to people who live in the south where they can tan year round, I will be safe. Whatever my excuse, I wish I would not have made them.

Now I am 33 years old and I am starting to develop wrinkles. I have to see a dermatologist annually to get mole checks and get moles removed, which is not a glamorous experience. I feel guilty when I get sun now, I wear hormone free SPF 20 on my face every single day even in the winter. In the summer I apply suntan lotion with sunscreen after my showers so I have some protection in case I am outside without sunscreen. I want to lead by example for my children, not just by how I keep them protected from the sun.

Why do I wish I could go back in time? Do I have skin cancer? Not yet. Because of Wrinkles? Not really, I am not that vain. But instead because If I could have possibly convinced the younger me to be more careful I would save myself the discomfort of getting moles removed, save myself the humiliation of having to make excuses to my dermatologist, saved myself from developing hundreds of small moles and freckles all over my skin and irreparable sun damage. I wish I could take back the 100 plus trips to the tanning salon, now that research has found that it is much more damaging than actual sun exposure. Do I want to swear off sun and come back from vacations pale? Absolutely not, but I am going to do everything in my power to never have sore shoulders from too much sun exposure in the future. I will never use SPF 4 again, I am going to use SPF 15-30 now, I simply can’t bring myself to use SPF 50 yet.

I will hopefully pass on a healthy respect of the sun to my children who currently don’t get to go outside in the summertime without being slathered with hormone free SPF 50 sunscreen. They may be the palest kids on the beach, but that is OK. I am sure they will make mistakes and get sunburns when it is their choice to do so, but maybe in the back of their head they will think about applying sunscreen after the shower like mom did, and maybe if I am really lucky, they wont want to turn back time when they are 33.